 The Lord your God who goes before you will Himself fight on your behalf, just as He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, just as a man carries his son, in all the way which you have walked until you came to this place. ~ Deuteronomy 1:30-31 To this place. A place of peace and rest and plenty, according to His riches and grace in Christ Jesus (not mine that I've earned, but His I've been given). I've been carried on His Spirit current...sometimes not knowing where I'll be a month or a week out. But when I know that where I am is where He has led me, it reminds me to trust him for the next step forward. He carries us as a man carries his son. His beloved, cherished, cared for child. Do I deserve to be held in His arms, led by His hand? Not of myself, but that is really beside the point. Always faithful--that's what God is! He is true to himself even when we are not. Not because of who I am, or what I've done, but because of who He is and what He has done! And because I didn't do anything to deserve it, there's not really anything I can do to undeserve it, because it was never about me to begin with. The gift is given. It is my choice each day to receive it, to live in the gift of grace, his mercies new every morning. This morning. In this place. In each place that He brings me to. Then fear creeps in, planting lies of uncertainty in my garden of trust. Lies to choke the growing, rob the sunlight meant to nourish, compete for root space under the surface of our minds, our hearts. Lies that say this place has no future, this place has no meaning for the journey, no fruit worth cultivating to share. But the lies are lies, and their poison must be dug out. Not once a in a while, but regularly keeping our vigil against the unruly impostors. Infuse the soil with truth as a protective barrier! So when I'm home, I trust. When I'm away, I trust. Trusting that this place, too, is a marker on my journey whose destination ultimately lies with Him. My life is hidden with Christ! (Col. 3:3)
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 I have been praying for direction, and this morning came across this verse:
This is what the Sovereign Lord says: What sorrow awaits the false prophets who are following their own imaginations and have seen nothing at all! ~ Ezekiel 13:3 A sobering reminder to wait on God and not invent my own map. Who is among you that fears the Lord, that obeys the voice of His servant, that walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who encircle yourselves with firebrands, walk in the light of your fire and among the brands you have set ablaze. This you will have from My hand: you will lie down in torment. ~ Isaiah 50:10-11 Even when I don't have light showing the next step, I can still trust in the name of the Lord! He does have a plan, and I don't want to stray from it. Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go. ~ Isaiah 48:17 Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. ~ Isaiah 30:21 When I don't have light, I need to close my eyes and listen for a still, small Voice. Listen for my next mission. Because I choose to accept it.  The first snow of the year has fallen, and, so far, has stayed. The brilliant whiteness adds to seasonal cheer and travel hazards. Love it or hate it, winter is here!
Cold, yet cozy. Beautiful, yet dangerous. Fun...and annoying. The beauty may even prickle to the touch. Metaphor for life? Most of us have picked a favorite season out of the year, if only to have an answer when asked. Each have their pros and cons, and our selfish psyche picks which ones to remember and wishes away the rest. But as there is a "reason for the season" of Christmas (which approaches with astonishing pace!), there is likewise a purpose for each season we encounter in our lives. We know that seasons change, but we do not always have the time or the inclination to prepare for them. Sometimes the change seems to come without warning....and not all the seasons are welcome. While there may be the occasional Indian summer of unexpected happy adventures, more often it seems that the interruption is of a sinister nature: accidents, sickness, unemployment, heartbreak, or the death of a loved one. What do you do with that? Perhaps the most troubling question is: WHY? Why did this happen? (or not happen...) Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen now? Why shouldn't I give up now? Why doesn't it just go away? While those questions may have answers, maybe that's the wrong sort of question for us to be asking at first. Maybe the essence of Why is a distraction, to keep us sitting at the base of the hurdle in our way, analyzing the structure and philosophizing about the placement on the track instead of jumping or climbing over to continue the race. We mean well, of course. If we know Why, then we know what to do about it, right? We would know how to prevent it from happening again, and eventually have a problem-free life. Right? Wrong: "...in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) I have several friends who were/are involved in debate clubs growing up. Something they have learned is that if you let your opponent frame the questions for you, or fall into a default mode, you lose the argument. All right, fine. So what questions could we be asking instead? Well, here are some that I use for target practice when I'm "trouble shooting." :-) What is the trouble/s? It is said that identifying the problem is the first step to dealing with it. While not imperative for initial action, understanding the issue is certainly necessary to achieve a long-term resolution of it. And have you noticed that troubles like to travel in company? When I'm feeling overwhelmed, it really helps me to write down a list of all the variables trying to stress me out, so that the nebulous mass doesn't keep churning in the back (or front) or my mind. Then I talk the list over with God. Whom does this affect? Something I have found is that it helps to shift the focus from myself to others. Obviously this is affecting me personally, but while I might feel alone, I'm usually not. Even seemingly isolated troubles often have ripples into other people's lives. What can I do to ease their pain and better understand their burden? Who am I fighting against? Regardless of who or what I think caused the problem, I need to recognize who the enemy really is: Satan. The devil will use whatever he can to distract me and trick me into putting my energy into warring against anything else. But although the symptoms vary with each case, it's hard to go wrong with targeting him as the ultimate perpetrator. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ~ Ephesians 6:11-12 How has God shown himself strong in the past? I remind myself that God is greater than my trouble/enemy. I read the Bible and find story upon true story of how God has shown his power and grace in strong, effective ways. I search out modern-day testimonies from friends or even strangers that relate to my situation. I review the specific faithfulness and goodness of God in my personal history. When I can't remember certain events well, I try to find someone else who was there that can help me recall it better. It also helps to write down answered prayers in a journal to look back at. How do I fight? Instead of reacting in fear, doubt, hate, worry, griping, or other such destructive manner, I strive to respond with the opposite. These are some tactics in my arsenal:
How can I glorify God through this? There comes a point when how we respond to hardship contributes to answering the Why. When we submit our lives to the Lord Jesus, God works in our lives to bring good out of even the things that Satan meant to destroy us (Romans 8:28). We can partner in this process by keeping our eyes open for opportunities to give glory to God along the way. "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." ~ John 9:3 As you may have guessed, this is majorly a distillation of what I am learning from my recent life struggles: nursing my sister when she was suffering from a recurring high fever, dealing with a nasty rash on my own skin, resisting depression after the high of a long film shoot, ongoing car trouble, paying unexpected bills, and being there for friends in a hard place. It's been a hard fall. But God has brought us through as victors, not victims! God has healed us and we experienced a recovery much faster than normal. I've been receiving unexpected gifts and funds that have covered all the expenses, and now have a wonderfully functional vehicle. And despite my many imperfections and inexperience, he has somehow used me to help others through some rough spots at the same time. I am in awe of what he has done—and is still doing! But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ....All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 15-18 Yes, life can be very painful, and often confusing. No, there doesn't seem to be a shortage of inconvenient circumstances cropping up from the infamous land of Nowhere with the unnerving speed of Suddenly. But who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:35-39 
Two weeks ago I had a lesson. It was a life lesson. It was a pottery lesson. The potter I was learning from teaches sculpting. He taught me how to make a clay vase and then a bowl, using fine quality clay, a wheel, and a few small tools. He patiently demonstrated the entire workflow, talking through each step and explaining the hows and whys. Then he placed a generous lump of clay in my hand, we switched places around the wheel, and I began applying what I had just witnessed. The first step, and the most important one, is to center the clay on the wheel. As the wheel began to spin faster and faster my hands pressed hard around the clay, keeping it in the center where the centrifugal and centripetal forces would work for and not against the shaping process. Once this was accomplished, I carefully dug my thumb into the center to establish the base thickness, adding water as needed to moisten the clay. Balancing with my remaining fingers on the outer edge, I slowly drew my thumb toward the side, allowing the interior circle to widen. To create the sides, I crossed my thumbs for better control and gently pulled on either side of the clay wall with my index and middle fingers. The whirling wheel made the wall pull up evenly as I pressed and pulled the malleable clay. Shaping tools aided in refining texture and curve, or scraping excess clay from the base. From start to finish, this is called "throwing" the clay. Finally, we slid durable string underneath the vessel in preparation for removing it from the wheel, and used a lifting tool to set it on another table to dry. When hardened some from air-drying, it would be ready for a last trim of the base and drawing the desired design in the clay before firing it in the kiln. If glazed, it would go through the fire twice. On my second throw (first try at the bowl) all was going well until I got part way into the shaping of the walls. My pinching was not as even as I had hoped, and the instability this caused in the side of the bowl resulted in an implosion. My instructor wasn't upset; he explained what had happened, and gave me a new portion of clay to start over with. The clay I had just mishandled was still usable, he clarified, but would need reworking (pounding, kneading, etc.) before throwing it again. I was heavily reminded of the scriptures that speak of us being the clay in God's hands, the Potter's hands. I know how often I can get off-center, trying to pinch my own sides into what I think my life should look like. Alternately, I'll allow or invite others to mold me into how they think I should be, which inevitably leads to uneven, imploding walls. It is only by yielding once more to the master Potter's skill that I can be redeemed and formed into the beauty and usefulness He has destined for me. This said, we are not promised an easy life, free of pain or hardship or sorrow. We are called to follow in the footsteps of our Master, who lived in sacrificial service to others, and obedience to the Father, in spite of opposition and offense and accusation. Jesus spoke regarding the abandonment and torment he would soon face: "Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:32-33 The goal of our lives is to be transformed into the image, the shape, of Jesus Christ. Yielding to this transformation is both glorious and painful. But God is greater than the pokes and prods, yes, the abuse inflicted on our malleable selves by well-meaning friends, un-meaning strangers, and malicious "clay vandals." "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6) What follows are the lyrics to a song I wrote nearly two years ago. Some of my closest friends are dealing with extremely painful soul wounds right now, and it is to those beloved broken vessels that I dedicate these words. The Faithful One a song by Rebekah Cook In a storm When the lightning cracks And the thunder rumbles In my storm When I'm thrown off track And my dream has crumbled I close my eyes and pray In a storm All the windows rattle And the roof is shaking In my storm Another fruitless battle And my heart is breaking I close my eyes and pray I pray for strength to make it to another day That when I blink away the tears I'll see God's colors again In the rainbow I see your faithfulness In the rainbow Your promise is true In the rainbow I see your faithfulness In the rainbow Your mercies are new They're new every morning... On a cloudless day The sun beats down I'm suffocating On my hot, cloudless day I feel I'm going to drown While I am waiting So I lift my hands and pray On a cloudless day Becalmed on a sea Of expectations On my hot, cloudless day Buried in the debris Of my frustrations I lift my hands and pray I pray for strength to make it to another day That when you fill my sails once more I've an anchor for my soul When the wind blows I see your faithfulness When the wind blows Your promise is true When the wind blows I see Your faithfulness When the wind blows Your mercies are new They're new every morning... In the darkness of night Lost in a drift Of silent grieving In my darkest night Will it ever lift-- This pain I'm weeping? I bow my head and pray I pray for strength to make it to another day That as your arms surround me now I'll sense a glimpse of dawn With the sunrise I see your faithfulness With the sunrise Your promise is true With the sunrise I see your faithfulness With the sunrise Your mercies are new In the storm, in the heat, in the darkness Though near you sometimes seem so far away Yet even in the midst of my intense confusion Your love breathes hope deep inside of me That when the rain comes I'll see your faithfulness For in the rainbow Your promise is so true When the wind blows I'll see your faithfulness And with each sunrise Your mercies are new Yes, with each sunrise Your mercies are new For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. ...Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:6-11, 16-18 
People sometimes tell me how strong I am. But I don't feel strong. Whatever strength is there, it surely isn't mine. I guess that would be scriptural: For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ~ 1 Corinthians 1:25-27 I have been called. Called to live my life in love and joy and peace and patience and faith and kindness and obedience. Called to devote my energies and thoughts and words and actions as a living sacrifice of adoration to the one true God. Called to a steadfast surrender to the astounding Grace that makes it at all possible. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. ~ Psalm 119:35 All well and good to be willing to obey, but what if we are unsure of the path to take? What constitutes obedience in a particular instance? It is said that the devil is in the details. Perhaps, but my God is Lord over both the details and the bigger picture, so I'm in the best of hands. This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. ~ Isaiah 48:17, 21 He will teach me, direct me, lead me in the way I should go. But so often I'm like a little kid: "Are we there yet?" and five minutes later "How much LONGer?!!" In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. ~ Psalm 5:3 As I was growing up my family would sometimes take an entire summer and visit friends and family all across the States. I grew used to lengthy drives and learned to use the time spent in the van productively. Those who were able might decide to nap some in order to arrive with more energy. Reading, studying, talking with parents and siblings, singing songs, playing travel games, folding origami, tatting, crocheting, solving puzzles—there were countless activities available to occupy us (besides the ever-tempting snack-box). Have I so quickly forgotten how to be content as a passenger? Humph. But at least on THOSE trips I knew what to expect! Oh, really? What about traffic delays, adverse weather conditions, construction detours—and my still developing sense of time passage itself? Is this really so different? Many of us are still children with respect to interacting with heaven's timetable. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. ~ Psalm 130:5-6 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. ~ Lamentations 3:22-26 A dear friend reminded me yesterday that I am not the only one having to employ patience here. God is being patient, too. Not just patient with me (which he is, and I am SO thankful!), but everything else going on that makes things take longer than they might otherwise. God is excited for me to glimpse the next adventure, thrilled to take me there and share my delight in what he has so graciously prepared. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ~ Ephesians 2:10 He is infinitely more eager than I, and infinitely more patient. Anticipation is helpful. Impatience and anger over unmet expectations are not. Do we joyfully trust our Father that the good things he has prepared for us will also come in his beautiful time? I confess that after publishing my last post all about waiting, part of me indulged in the thought that the package I was waiting for (speaking figuratively) would now "magically" appear. Another part of me suspected that there was still much to learn about this fascinating facet of life called "waiting." The former part hoped that the latter part was being unnecessarily pessimistic. I chuckle inside now at my psychological game. Who was I kidding? It is when our own strength runs out that we discover the true strength that comes from depending on God alone. God enjoys spending time with me—me spending time with him. Yes, he will be with me, holding my hand as I walk through the door when that time comes. I even think I know which door that is, though not fully what lies behind it. It hasn't opened yet, though I have knocked several times. Well, that doesn't mean I can't praise God in the hallway! Let's break out the car songs . . . . ;-)  "Yes." "No." "Wait." Which of these answers would be the hardest for you to hear? If you're like me, you would say the third. The why of a yes or no isn't as tough to deal with as the "how long?!" of a wait. But so often that's exactly where I find myself: waiting. And it's easy to get discouraged if I keep staring into the dense fog obscuring what's ahead. I like how Corrie Ten Boom expressed the futility of it. She said: "Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear....Never fear to trust an unknown future to a known God." We are exhorted in scripture to live by faith (2 Cor. 5:7) in light of a living hope (1 Peter 1:3). This is not an empty suggestion, but a vital expression of a life surrendered to Christ. In a culture drowning in the "easier and faster is better" philosophy it can be a constant struggle to maintain joy and peace in the waiting seasons. Yet I am convinced that being patient is not sitting around moping, wishing, sighing for something I'm not sure of. Patience is faith that endures. It endures the difficulty of known obstacles, the uncertainty of fluctuating variables, the frustration of invisible progress, and the temptation to get depressed with the slow, lingering passage of Time. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you will not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. ~ Hebrews 6:11-12 Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord. ~ Psalm 27:14 Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. ~ Isaiah 40:31 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. ~ Romans 8:25 When I find myself growing restless or impatient, here is how I take stock:
Let's take a brief example. If I am expecting a call that would mean a trip somewhere, I can already start packing my bag. But what if the call doesn't come, or it turns out the trip is unnecessary? Well, then I unpack the bag! That wasn't so hard, now, was it? And yes, I have "been there, done that." :) Keeping busy by being productive while I'm waiting helps me to maintain a proper perspective even as I prepare for when the season of waiting comes to an end. And it does! When the answer is "Wait" it is not for an indefinite period of dangling in limbo. Remember, God is always faithful to his promises: For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay. ~ Habakkuk 2:3 So for all you fellow "waiters" out there, my prayer for you is that: ...you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light. ~ Colossians 1:9b-12  This past week I had the privilege of teaching at a film workshop in Denver, CO, with my brother and sister, who are also heavily involved in the film industry. I spoke about what scheduling looks like, and explained a sample call sheet, but the bulk of what I shared had to do with acting: auditioning, character study, and what it's like on set.
One of the topics that came up was the "cold read." That's a casting term for when an actor is asked to audition with sides (scenes from the script) that they have not previously studied. You haven't had time to warm up for it, so it's called reading it "cold." For acting, the first time I did a cold read was about a year and a half ago. I had studied on how one should approach it, but was still nervous about the actual execution (ominous word, I know, but it captures well the essence of the moment). I had five minutes with the script before I was "on," and the adrenaline from the focused energy made me feel like I'd been running after an active three-year-old for an hour with no breaks. No, it was not comfortable to do. Yes, I was apprehensive. But it was also surprisingly fun! (Especially when they called the next day to offer me the role) As far as my life goes? "Cold read" situations pop up with disconcerting frequency. By God's grace, I have but to ask to receive inside tips and wisdom on how to handle them. There are several keys to keep in mind when faced with a cold read. They are much the same as an ordinary audition. The main difference is being able to snap into a faster gear to prep. Here goes:
God has information about the situation (script) that you don't. He can give you wisdom about how to go about things that will make sense in the actual context—even without you knowing what that context is!
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10 Stress (dismay) isn't going to help anyway. When the thought comes: "I can't do this!", simply agree quickly. "Sure enough, 'I' can't do this. However, there's this other factor to take into account. God is going to help me. That means that not only can I survive this, but I can certainly 'take possession' on top!" Leave your worries with him and enjoy the experience.
The temptation is to dwell on what we don't have to go on. The if-only's can be exhausting! But what DO you have? Start there. God can show you how to use it in unexpected ways. (Go read the rest of the story to find out how the widow used her oil)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 Indecision is a fearful stance toward something which you feel in the dark about. The key is to walk in obedience to the light you already have. Be courageous! We do not walk alone. Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No,” no. Don't waffle between them in the "maybes."
Even if you can't get it word for word, try to understand each point being made. Speak according to the need. Don't just put words out there that won't propel the situation in the right direction. In regard to life's unexpected turns, don't spill out whatever comes to mind to say. Words are powerful! Have an arsenal of faith-building words at the ready in case you need to remind yourself that if God is for you, who can be against you? What you're facing might be new to you, but that is not a good reason for your trust in God to falter. His power and wisdom and love remain unfazed.
~ Psalm 32:8-9 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” ~ Isaiah 30:21 Don't get stuck on a certain way to do things. If a yes-no option isn't clear at the outset, or you see a a roadblock ahead on the route you had chosen, feel free to mix it up. Let the Holy Spirit guide you on your way; keep your satellite reception strong for the Gospel Positioning System.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. ~ Psalm 103:12-14 What if the decisions you made weren't the right ones? What if you completely misread the script? What if you stumbled on your lines, or failed to reach that level of emotion you were going for? Let the Director give you his feedback. That's what counts, anyway. Is God not bigger than our mistakes? Of course he is! Let him be your judge, your coach, and your teacher. He understands what we're going through. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands. ~ Psalm 138:8  Listening to the director's vision for the scene Some actors are notorious for injecting their own opinions into a script. Opinions on why the character is the way they are, what they should do, how they should do it, and even changing dialogue to better fit what they think the character would say. But that isn't really the actor's place.
If there is a script, it's there for a reason. The story is told the way it is on purpose! Just because I am chosen to portray a role in the story doesn't mean that I have been given creative license to decide what my character is about. My ideas about my character's arc and development will only be legitimate insofar as I am staying true to the intents of the director. "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'?" ~ Isaiah 45:9 The director has the final word. Any suggestions must pass through the director. The rest of the team unites under his vision. So must the actors rally to the call to action. The music has been written, the interpretation is being directed. We are simply the instruments assembled to play the notes clearly and with feeling. If my interpretation differs at any point from that of the director, and he directs a change, I must be ready at a moment's notice to make that adjustment. By personality I am very much a planner. I like to have everything laid out and organized in my head before I make decisions. Through practice born of necessity, I've begun to enjoy some spontaneity (especially if I already suspect that the situation will warrant it :P). I do have to consciously reject rising stress, though, when encountering an unexpected curve ball. As a Christian, however, I have not only accepted Jesus as my personal Savior, but surrendered to his personal Lordship over my life. He is my life Director. Any ideas I might have about my life's story, or my own character arc, must be subject to his plans for me. Now he has the final word and authority. He IS the final word and authority! Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. ~ Psalm 119:89 For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head...so that in everything he might have the supremacy. ~ Colossians 1:16-18 God recently gave me an apt illustration of how this can play out in my everyday life. Last week I was starting the draft for this very blog post, and pondering the implications of what it could mean, when my older sister approached me about the possibility of doing a short trip on the weekend to visit some friends. While I didn't have specific "plans" that took up my weekend yet, in my mind I was already allotting that time to prepare for some auditions I had coming up. But we took a few minutes to pray over the decision together, and I quickly realized that this was exactly what God was trying to teach me! I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near to you. Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him. ~ Psalm 32:8-10 We did end up going, and not only did we have a wonderful visit, but I was even able to help with teaching about acting at a film workshop on our way there. :-) A great reminder that "a man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" (Proverbs 20:24) Indeed, it is only by seeking his direction for us that our lives can be truly significant. It is only by following his direction that we can rest secure. I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. ~ Jeremiah 10:23 This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. ~ Isaiah 48:17 My life story is his to write. My time is his to spend. My love is his to give. My feet are his to go. My hands are his to serve. And even the smallest line in his script has more meaning than one of my monologues; the smallest role in his story more satisfying than any saga I could construct for myself. We've got to stop being divas and let divine authority run the show! Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." ~ Isaiah 55:6-11 Yes, Lord! Amen; so be it.  For anyone who is curious about how theology and acting go together, this is the post for you! In doing my character study for my next acting role (Virginia Page in IN HIS STEPS: the series) it has struck me once again how similar it can be to learning who we are in Christ.
Coming to understand how the character thinks and how this translates directly to her words and actions echoes the exhortation to "renew our minds" and so know God's "approved and perfect will" for how we should live (Romans 12:1-2). Actions follow thoughts. "For as he thinks within himself, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7) If the thoughts are in order, the actions that are "scripted" or "directed" to follow make perfect sense. Let's take an example. VIRGINIA: (angrily) Shut up! She hangs up on him. (....) If the script indicates that my story character is acting out in anger, I must investigate all clues to discover the underlying source of what I am feeling threatened by that would cause me to lash out this way. Anger can encompass a broad range of stimuli, and is often a reaction born of fear. So how do I know what my character is afraid of? There can be multiple factors at work, and this is where context really helps. Symptomatic emotions might be envy, bitterness, or insecurity. But when you break it down, envy is fear that what someone else has (or has the potential to have) will give them greater satisfaction and happiness than we can ever have without possessing that very thing ourselves. Bitterness is believing that what happened in the past has forever robbed you of a worthwhile future. Insecurity dons many masks: power abuse (desire for control; micro-management), doormat syndrome (desire for acceptance and approval no matter the cost), flamboyant condescension (desire for freedom from perceived constraints and disdain for limits, authority, and tradition). Any of these (which are but a brief sampling of possibilities) may manifest themselves as a simple action or exclamation of anger. Once the source of emotion is identified, I can then construct the sequence of thoughts that would logically support and lead to this behavior/dialogue for my character in the scene. Of course the hard part, both in acting and in life, is to be aware and discerning of what our mind is dwelling on and accepting for truth, and "take captive" thoughts that do not belong in this new way of thinking (2 Corinthians 10:5). My job is to determine through careful study the thoughts that I, as my character, need to think to have the desired outcome. To do this I run them through my character's belief and personality filter. It's the same for a Christian; thoughts will come both invited and uninvited into our heads. "But we have the mind of Christ." (1 Corinthians 2:16) Not all thoughts are welcome to stay anymore. Many must be shown the door as soon as they try to sign in. Always check them against the "guest list": is it true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy? Think about these things! (Philippians 4:8) We are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17); "...the old has gone, the new has come!" What is our character like now? Maybe we aren't sure what it all means yet. But in scripture we have a wealth of resource at hand to delve into the depths of what we are to think, believe, and be. Not only that, but we have the help of the Holy Spirit also to teach us and lead us into all Truth. There exists no better life coach than he. Every time we find ourselves voicing or acting out something that does not line up with the Truth of who we are in Christ, we have an incredible opportunity to stop and identify what negative belief we are holding to. Once located, to effectively remove it, we must replace it with a conquering Truth derived from our knowledge of the One who is Truth himself, Jesus Christ. To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ~ John 8:31-32 Disrobe yourself from the lies you are clinging to! Wrap yourself in true knowledge that leads to life—life abundant, dripping over, resplendent with righteousness, peace, and joy (John 10:10; Romans 14:17)! Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit, put it like this: "To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours: Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." ~ 2 Peter 1:2-11 In Christ we are new creations. The Truth will set us free to live that way. 
My faith muscles are feeling sore lately. That's a good thing. It means they've been used, and are in the process of getting stronger! I'm doing my best to keep my spiritual protein (challenging and encouraging scriptures) intake high so those muscles have something to build with.
This chapter in my life, as with many, has involved a great deal of travel. One of the advantages of spending copious amounts of time behind the wheel is that I get to listen to music to keep awake. My car is from a decade that used cassettes, so I have a stash of oldy-goldy tapes to mix in with more recent MP3s (via an adapter). Here are some songs that have been a deep encouragement over the last weeks: "Uncharted Territory" ~ Rachael Lampa (2011) Verse 1: So unlike me, what's going on I'm usually not the one To be afraid, hesitate Second guess what I've done Am I over-thinking it, complicating it Should I let go and let it be Chorus: Never done this before how am I supposed to know where to go from here No prescription, no rules, no direction, no signs that will make it clear Like the first man on the moon, Columbus 1492 Like baby steps, and babies don't worry, so why should I Uncharted territory Uncharted territory Verse 2: Sort of unprepared, just a little scared Say go get it girl, grab a hold of it Look inside myself, find buried deep Patience; don't give up on me Am I over-thinking it, complicating it All I gotta do is do it "The Plan" ~ Steve Green (1998) Chorus: I don't need to have the plan in hand I don't need to have the end in sight All I need to do is follow you, wherever you lead And do what you ask me to Verse 1: Trusting you, Lord, with all my heart Following you all my days Whether I can or can't understand I'll acknowledge you in all my ways Verse 2: Though I am pressed on every side I am not in despair My faith in you will carry me through Though I may not see where You're leading me "Crazy" ~ Mercy Me (2002) Verse 1: Why I would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end Why would I spend my time pointing to another man Isn't that crazy How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen How can I learn your way is better in everything I'm taught to be Isn't that crazy Chorus: I have not been called to the wisdom of this world But to a God who's calling out to me And even though the world may think I'm losing touch with reality It would be crazy To choose this world over eternity Verse 2: And if I boast let me boast of filthy rags made clean And if I glory let me glory in my Savior's suffering Isn't that crazy And as I live this daily life I trust you for everything And I will only take a step when I feel You leading me Isn't that crazy Chorus: I have not been called to the wisdom of this world But to a God who is calling out to me And even though the world my think I'm losing touch with reality It would be crazy To choose this world over eternity You can call me crazy... :-) |
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